


Love Me Like You Do

by rboudreau



Category: Big Brother RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3892744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rboudreau/pseuds/rboudreau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with a text message sent on May 3rd...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> This will have more than one chapter. Let me know what you think so far (:

Zach erased another line of text and retyped it. He'd probably redrafted this message at least three times already, but he needed to get his point across completely. He had to double check his spelling and make sure he said everything he wanted to say before he pressed send.

He spent about a half an hour working on the perfect message, forgetting the fact that he was streaming a few times while he got stuck in his thoughts.

“Alright, so, I just drafted the longest text ever, and now I don’t know if I want to send it,” he said to his fans. “Should I just send it? Hit 1 if I should send the text, hit 2 if I shouldn’t. Is 1 send it? Is 1 send it or is 2 send it?”

He read the chat response, knowing he was stalling completely obviously. He couldn’t help but feel nervous about sending it, not really sure of the response he’d get. 

He laughed a little. “I spent so much time on this text. Alright.” He rubbed his eyes tiredly, looking back at his phone, then back up at his broadcast. “Yea I have to send it,” he agreed with someone.

He read over it a couple more times, periodically looking back up to shout someone out in the chat. When he reached the bottom of his text again, he yawned. “This is the longest text message ever.”

He did a couple more shoutouts, then put his attention back on his phone. He reread it for the dozenth time, fixing a couple parts here and there. He finally hovered his thumb over the ‘send’ button for a few seconds before mustering up the courage to press it.

“Alright, I sent it. Fuuuuuuck,” he groaned, plopping backwards on his bed dramatically. “Fuuuuck, why’d I send that text?” 

He rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. He barely lasted 30 seconds before he was rolling back over. “Now I’m gonna be stressed out all fucking day. I need to go work out. And go play golf. And then go to the beach.”

He shouted out another fan and pulled his phone out from beneath him, opening back up the text and rereading it once more. “Alright it’s not that bad, I guess.”

He locked his phone, then accepted a bunch of gold bar questions, then ended his stream to go work out.

**

“Bro, what’s with you? You’re out of it today.”

Zach glanced at Josh and shrugged, turning his attention back to the weights he was lifting. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Josh raised an eyebrow at him. “Is it Eva?”

He scoffed. “No. I’m over that, dude. I’m just tired and stressing about leaving for New York in a few days.”

He was pretty sure Josh didn’t believe him, but he let it go and continued working out, leaving Zach grateful that he didn’t push the matter.

**

“Fuck!” he yelled.

This had to be the worst day Zach had in a while. All he’d done was drop his phone on the rug and, somehow, the screen shattered. He was convinced the world was out to get him today. As if this wasn’t bad enough, he’d almost dropped weights on his foot twice at the gym, almost wiped out on a puddle of water beneath the bubbler, and to top it all off, he _still_ hadn’t gotten a response to his text from this morning.

He took a snap of the broken screen on his other phone, adding it to his story, and went to go stew in his room so he didn’t snap at his family in his bad mood.

He hadn’t done a YouNow stream since this morning, but he didn’t really feel like dealing with people when he was in a mood like this. He turned his TV on for background noise, watching aimlessly for a while. Eventually he found himself pulling out his non-broken phone and opening up the text he’d sent hours before.

**To: Frankie**  
_  
Hey. Listen, I want to talk._

_I know we haven’t really been speaking much lately, and I know a lot of that is my fault. But I feel like it’s partly your fault too. I know I’ve fucked things up between us a million times. I hurt you probably more than I even know. But you’ve hurt me too, you know? When we were in the house, I thought everything was perfect, and then I kept finding out you were lying to me. And I know that’s part of the game, but I trusted you more than anyone, and I thought you were telling me everything. When I realized that wasn’t true, I just kept playing that back in my head over and over again. I still do tbh. I can’t let it go, no matter how much I try. Maybe it’s because I fell for you, and I feel like you didn’t love me as much as I loved you. I thought we were team zankie until the end. And then it all fell apart, and it fucking sucked. I thought when we got out of the house, we could figure it out, but we were always apart more than we were together, and I kept feeling like I was being pulled in two different directions. You wanted me to come out so badly, but I couldn’t figure it all out, and things were weird with my parents and trying to explain it to them, and I felt like you weren’t giving me enough time to figure out what I should do._

_We had so many perfect moments that I never wanted to end. I was always so happy when we were together, and when it was just you and me like before. But every time that ended and we were apart again, we’d fall apart and fight, and every time has been worse and worse for us. I thought it was bad in December, but these last few months without you have honestly been the worst. You’ve barely been answering my texts or snaps, you won’t answer any of my calls, and you refused to see me last month when you were here. That hurt more than anything else. I know we fought when you got back from Africa, but I never thought it would end in me losing you as a partner and as a friend. We’ve only known each other for less than a year, but you really are my best friend, Frankie. I never wanted to hurt you or take advantage of your feelings. I just wanted to be with you and still have my old life. I realize now I can’t have both. I can’t be straight and be with you. It’s not fair to you._

_When you asked me if I’d ever marry you when you came home in February, I panicked. I’m only 24. I just graduated from college a year ago. And now I’ve been on TV and people have all these expectations of me, and I don’t know how to handle it all. The last thing I was thinking about was getting married. But even when you were asking me, I knew I’d already lost you. Is that weird? I could see it on your face that you’d already made the choice to leave. I was only holding you back from doing what you wanted and being happy in life. You’ve got to know that all I want is for you to be happy. And all the back and forth and fighting and making up wasn’t making you happy. So I told you I would never marry you. And I’m not really sure if it hurt me more to say it or hurt you more to hear it. But either way, it ended everything between us, and I hate that it was so easy for you to cut me out of your life. I know the romantic stuff was hurting you, but I didn’t think ending that would end our friendship too. But it did, and I’ve regretted saying it ever since. I’ve been blaming myself and blaming you and blaming everyone around me, but I know it was probably better for you, so I can’t keep being angry with you. All I can do is apologize for lying to you and for how much I’ve been hurting you over the last 7 months. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do._

_So I’m sorry. The only person I’ve ever even considered marrying is you. If I were a better person, I’d keep this to myself and let you move on and live your life without me. But I’m selfish, and I miss you more than anything. If nothing else, I just want to be your friend again. I love you too much to lose you forever._

_I really hope we can talk about this and work things out. You make me a better person, and I want to have a part in your life._

_If you ignore this, I understand. Just know I love you, I always will, and I’m so sorry for ruining this beautiful relationship we had. I know you deserve better than me. I just hope you disagree._

_xox_  
  
Zach sighed, locking his phone and letting it fall beside him on the bed. It had been a month since he'd last had a full conversation with Frankie. And now he’d laid out everything on the table, from his frustrations to his regrets to his hopes. It had already been a few hours since he sent it, and he was getting increasingly more stressed out the more time passed. He just had to try not to think about it and hope that Frankie would respond.

**

It wasn’t until almost 1 am that night when Zach’s phone lit up, bringing him out of his restless tossing and turning. He brought it over to himself, squinting at the bright screen, and then almost dropping it on his face as he registered the message being reflected.

**Frankie Grande**  
_Okay. Let’s talk._


	2. Can We Get Back To The Way It Was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a lot of text messages lol

Zach stared at the text for a moment, shocked that he’d finally gotten a reply. He snapped out of it quickly and unlocked his screen to respond back.

**Zach Rance**  
_I didn’t think you were going to respond_

He nearly slapped himself for saying something so stupid, rolling his eyes. He was about to type a new message when Frankie texted him back.

**Frankie Grande**  
_Neither did I._

Okay, ouch, Zach thought to himself. He tapped his finger against the side of his phone absentmindedly while he formulated a response in his head.

**Zach Rance**  
_I’m glad you did_

**Zach Rance**  
_I’ve been a mess all day hoping you’d hear me out_

He decided he might as well be as open as possible to make Frankie take him seriously and, hopefully, let him back into his life.

**Frankie Grande**  
_Well, I wasn’t really sure if it was in my best interest, to be honest._

Zach bit his lip, his stomach sinking a little at how distant Frankie was coming off. He shook his head, knowing Frankie had his reasons, and quickly messaged him back.

**Zach Rance**  
_What changed your mind?_

**Frankie Grande**  
_Ariana. Lauren. Lauren and AJ, actually._

**Frankie Grande**  
_And maybe a part of me that wanted to hear what you had to say for myself._

**Zach Rance**  
_Well remind me to send Lauren, AJ, and Ari thank you cards._

He let that message sit for a moment, thinking over the fact that not only had AJ had his back with Frankie, but apparently Lauren and Ari did too. It gave him a little bit of a confidence boost, so he typed out another message, pressing send before he could overthink it.

**Zach Rance**  
_I missed you._

It’s a few minutes before he gets a reply, the nerves crawling their way back into his stomach as the seconds tick by.

**Frankie Grande**  
_It’s been awhile, Zach._

He knew Frankie well enough to know that he meant it’s been awhile since they talked, and he frowned a little.

**Zach Rance**  
_I know._

**Zach Rance**  
_Can I call you? I want to talk about my text._

**Frankie Grande**  
_Can’t. Vocal rest. Just text._

Zach sighed, twisting his hair around his fingers. He really wanted to hear Frankie’s voice. It had been way too long since he’d heard it outside of a youtube video or an old voicemail. He hesitated over how to get the conversation going, but he figured all he had to do was rephrase everything he’d said in his first text.

**Zach Rance**  
_I’m not really sure what I can say that I didn’t say in my first message. I messed up, Frankie, I know that. I hurt you, I hurt me, and I want to apologize for what I said the last time we saw each other._

**Frankie Grande**  
_I can’t be mad at you for not wanting to be with me, Zach._

**Zach Rance**  
_But I do want to be with you, Frankie. I fucked up and I lied to you, but I’ve never stopped loving you._

**Frankie Grande**  
_We’ve been here before. I’m not interested in repeating this cycle again._

Zach felt his chest constrict painfully as he read Frankie’s text. Tears stung at his eyes, rejection flooding through him. He didn’t really know what to say, so he found himself typing out a short “okay” and pressing send. He dropped his phone onto the bed beside him and curled into his blanket, his eyes squeezed shut.

He felt his phone buzz and hesitated, not sure if he was willing to see what else Frankie had to say. Eventually the need to be talking to Frankie got the best of him and he picked it up, unlocking it once more and reading the text.

**Frankie Grande**  
_That’s it? That’s all you had to say?_

**Zach Rance**  
_I said everything I wanted to say in that first text. I just want you to be happy. If you’re not interested in being with me again, I can’t force you._

**Frankie Grande**  
_That’s not what I said._

He sat up, his eyebrows pushing together in confusion.

**Zach Rance**  
_What do you mean?_

**Frankie Grande**  
_I said I didn’t want to repeat this cycle, not that I didn’t want to be with you._

**Zach Rance**  
_So you still want to be with me??_

He chewed on his thumbnail, waiting impatiently for Frankie to text him back. He saw the little bubble pop up telling him Frankie was typing, and it was absolute torture waiting.

**Frankie Grande**  
_I’m always going to want to be with you_

**Frankie Grande**  
_But I can’t be with you if everything is going to stay the same. It’s been almost a year of this._

**Zach Rance**  
_I know._

**Zach Rance**  
_I don’t want things to be the same either. I don’t want to keep having these periods of time where we don’t talk._

He didn’t get another text back for a few minutes, but he was feeling vaguely hopeful instead of rejected, so he waited, picking at his fingernail some more until his screen lit up.

**Frankie Grande**  
_You told me you didn’t want to marry me._

**Zach Rance**  
_I know._

**Frankie Grande**  
_You told me you were straight, and that I was wasting my time trying to get you to be gay._

**Zach Rance**  
_I know._

**Frankie Grande**  
_I can’t just forget that._

**Zach Rance**  
_I know._

**Zach Rance**  
_I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking you to forgive me and give me another chance._

**Zach Rance**  
_I know I can make you happy baby, just let me prove it to you._

**Frankie Grande**  
_I know you can make me happy. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about how you can just as easily break my heart and make me miserable._

**Zach Rance**  
_You give me too much credit. You have just as much power over me. You can break me so fast._

**Zach Rance**  
_Answer your phone and just listen to me. Please._

He took a deep breath, clicking on Frankie’s name to call him, and held the phone up to his ear. It rang a couple times, and then it was silent, with the exception of Frankie’s breathing over the phone as he accepted the call.

“Okay, hear me out,” Zach started. “We are simultaneously the best and worst for each other. I know that. We know how to hurt each other, and we’ve done it before. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to make you happy. Happier than anyone else can. I want to see you when we’re close by, and I want to hold your hand, and I want to kiss you, and I want to call you my boyfriend. I don’t want to keep spending a few perfect days together just for us to end up fighting and not trying to fix it. I know my word probably doesn’t mean much anymore, but I promise you I didn’t mean all that stuff I said. You are the _only_ person I want to marry. I’d be an idiot to not want to marry you. You make me so fucking happy, Frankie. You know me better than anyone. You know I...you know I’m not straight. And if you need me to come out, I will. I will do anything to get you to believe that I’m in this. I just need you to be in this too. I need you, babe. I love you. I love you so much it’s fucking crazy. Just say you love me too and that we can work on this. Just…”

He let himself trail off, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He could hear Frankie’s breathing over the phone still and tried focusing on it to make himself less nervous. He was pretty sure he was more nervous saying everything out loud than he was writing it in text, but he needed Frankie to understand how serious he was. After a few more seconds of silence, he was about to hang up the phone and return to texting Frankie instead, when Frankie whispered into the phone, breaking his vocal rest.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any and all comments/kudos/critique you are willing to give me. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
> 
> If you want to chat, you can find me on tumblr at [ be-your-own-anchor5](http://www.be-your-own-anchor5.tumblr.com)


End file.
